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About Literature / Hobbyist Lilla Bertalan27/Other/Hungary Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
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Statistics 2,070 Deviations 14,026 Comments 81,936 Pageviews

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So I wanted to be a god "without effort". Except all the effort I put into you - into giving you the confidence needed for you to finally stand up for yourself and get rid of the bullies in your life, abusive mother included. All the effort of trying to raise you into something more.
I have been "itching for a fight". Or rather, itching to get my friend back - the one that actually encouraged discussion and didn't expect people to censor themselves while making up fake illnesses to excuse behaving like an ass. Itching to not have to conquer the fear of angry, vicious backlash before commenting on something.
And I kept "stabbing you with your mistakes". Or rather, carrying an open, festering wound caused by a broken promise, trying to keep it covered, but having it slowly ooze venom into my life ever since it happened. I did not want an apology or the endless self-flagellation you kept performing. I wanted to understand why you promised me something you knew you couldn't (or didn't want to) deliver.

Go ahead, enjoy your life. If that means stabbing your closest ones in the back and feeling "truly blessed" when 108 fakers wish you a happy birthday (just how many of those would kill or die for you? have you ever asked yourself that?), then so be it. You do you, I do me. And if you think I'm "editing reality", then I probably learned from the best master of that. After all, you had me believe that you cared, that you wouldn't post defamatory bullshit about me again, and that you would live up to what your writing shows.

I fucking miss you, or what you used to be. But I couldn't handle what you have become. And for the defense of my own sanity, I won't try to get back into your company again. Enough is enough.


Lilla Bertalan
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Not exactly a hobbyist, but therapeutic writing wasn't an option. Self-doubting white girl with a tendency to obsess over stuff, which I take out on... formerly paper, nowadays my DA page.
As long as you don't attempt to "cheer me up" or get all religious on me, we'll get along well. Tell me what's your poison and I... won't exactly tell who you are, but pour you a round and tell a good story, 'kay?

Current Residence: Győrzámoly
deviantWEAR sizing preference: L
Favourite music: see :P
Favourite style of art: pretty much anything BUT anime
Operating System: Ubuntu
Skin of choice: white, nicely scarred
Favourite cartoon character: Hawkgirl, Martian Manhunter, Wolverine, Simon's Cat
Personal Quote: "Meow."

Journal History


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ChrisM-Erotic Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2016  Professional Photographer
High-five!   Thank you for Faving Hi! 
VoltageStudios Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for favoring
Voltage Hyper Force New Style by VoltageStudios , any comments on it?
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Not really, I was just saving it for a friend who is totally into superhero artworks. Maybe he'll comment :)
VoltageStudios Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok, that's fine.
SoloGeek Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fave! :boogie:
Panuyen Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav!! Hug
Monocephalized Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Appreciate the favourite.
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
As I appreciated the poem. Meow.
The-Darkwolf Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2016
Thank you for the new fave! :thanks:
:happybounce: Stopped by just briefly and noticed it's your birthday. I hope it's been a good day for you. :-) with fun things all around... Giggle
:cake: :beer:
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