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About Literature / Hobbyist Lilla Bertalan27/Other/Hungary Recent Activity
Deviant for 13 Years
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Newest Deviations

Deceased dreams flutter along the path of scattering white petals
as this washed-out spring broods uncertain beginnings.
Stomach pains announce the morning; but there is no mourning
for the devil in the wall. Again, new things.
Only death does not change, the old friend lurking
protectively in the shadows behind me,
to catch me when the flimsy safety net of loans and false friends
collapses under the weight of prejudices and flaws
collecting dust beneath the skeletons of the future.
The deceived princess held up a sign -
hoping that the usurping king will read it? -
„I want a future”, in sketchy, rushed letters.
A picture of a past me, it seemed. I used to want a future too.
Now? I could not be gladder to have the present,
with a high concentration of black cats in the house
and a sleek new machine that gives me a voice.
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Mature content
Threesome :iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
ding dong the witch is dead
putting words to virtual paper
in their beautiful vulgarity, wrapped
shyly in a language that i own
but that doesn't own me -
I wonder, is still it poetry
if it's true?
Skipped Visit
slow disintegration
smells like feces and detergent
and repulses my selfish artist's mind
with a force of a thousand magnets.
i'd have rather left my gray matter
smeared on Dutch cobblestones than watch
my worst enemy in government-clean sheets
lie catheterized.
even knowing she deserves it.
You dipped poison claws in my heart;
then you slowly fell apart.
Time itself broke your dread power,
and your own obsessive desire
to break me and remold my mind.
No more barbed chains will me bind,
I will be called shit no longer -
my happy ending is mine to find.
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Straight Conundrum
You've been consistently breaking my heart.
We both thought it will be good for my art.
Maybe it is. There are things we both know
to be in vain; yet the thoughts incessantly flow.
I'm a glass mosaic - a kaleidoscope -
if the colors align, it may help you cope.
I want you to tuck me gently in the ground.
You want in my pants. An impasse is found.
Fear sucks - and gorges itself on our souls.
The longer it siphons, the stronger it grows.
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Extraterrestrial Hatchling
Extraterrestrial Hatchling
Small things kick and then they cry.
They don't know much and they lie.
Small things shout and laugh and run.
They have strange concepts of fun.
Big things teach and tell so much.
They can read and count and such.
Now I can do all that, too!
Surely, I am one of you?
"You are too young for that, wait!"
"You are not to stay that late!"
Big things, small things. Which is me?
Something else, then, I must be.
Like Friend Bright-eyes who stalks at night,
I like quiet, shun the light.
But I have no tail or fangs or claws,
I cannot follow where he goes.
Like the great ones of the waterways,
I like to sing and turn a phrase.
I wonder what krill would taste like?
They live too far, I'm scared to hitchhike.
I looked at things both great and small.
I find most lovely, though not all.
But neither on page or through glass screen,
my species I have never seen.
I look like these pink ones but don't feel
as though I was like them for real.
I shrug and smile - well, alright th
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
The Unknown
He is lying in the basement with his ID disk intact;
he died alone and forgotten when the house was bombed and wrecked;
half-buried under concrete, the years heavy on his bones,
you hear his cry for his homeland when something in the walls moans.
In the next corner another, his half-moon glints still bright;
the other half was taken to be carried home that night;
but it never got there, as the courier met his end
on the same street a few houses downstream from his friend.
Who will tally the nameless when the rebuild team gets here
to demolish the past and erect a brand new fear?
The new prophets of destruction will climb the pulpits again,
expensive suits, shiny smiles and a scorn for their fellow man -
will we be the new nameless of their new master plan?
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Poem batch
conjure images unclean
look for passages unseen
as the mind strides on the line
these powers that can create
come only through cursed fate
and knowing the lies behind "i'm fine"
and the earth will take it in -
battered bodies born in sin
and divine souls rotting on the vine
i'm not an if. i'm a when,
lurking deep within the glen,
in spiderwebs and dewdrops,
curdled milk and withered crops.
all life is pregnant with death;
i inch closer with each breath.
do you want to be my friend?
all is a means to my end.
you will remember my face like i did yours,
when i was still human, torn and screaming.
old dreams in tatters - from secret wars,
vengeance emerged as the sole thing worth dreaming.
blood from the bad place had tainted the ground -
it is a wound not worthy of care.
blood will come upon you, the motive never found.
but the badge of shame is forever mine to wear.
a nation of misbegotten children
fractures in the throes of civil war
to give birth to timeless beauty and
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
The Last Traitor
You say being different is great -
but with the next breath, you give it clinical names.
One day you exalt my supposed brilliance;
the next, you reveal the depths of your revulsion.
And you dare to call me the sick one?
You preach love and practice hate -
a walking contradiction.
Somewhere we veered off
in the worst direction.
You have become what we ought to fight,
so I clutch harder my heroine's guiding light -
you may hope for me to die screaming in pain,
but like every hope, that will wither in vain.
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
the small five
the bitter end of the idolization phase
dawned on us on a January morning;
as the bird began to read the trapper's ways,
its song grew stronger - was no longer calling
for mercy; the singer understood
that her captor knows not such a thing.
holding her heart's reins as firm as she could,
the bird left the trap and, again, took to wing.
crystal gardens grew upon the pane,
of deadly beauty their sharp branches spoke.
by grain-blood and time, they could take me in,
to lie quiet and shed the painful yoke.
but the promise crept into my thoughts -
we'll fly together by summer's gentler light,
with flowers of fire, not of ice;
so said my unlikely friend, an old blue knight.
pernicious creatures circle overhead -
feeding on uncertainty and woe,
painted in false colors of compassion
they pose and cajole to drag the pure souls low;
or they reveal their reality of rot,
of envy and fear, their cruel, self-forged chains -
"how dare you be free, to even think of that!
i'd rather you stay
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
two unrelated poems
Sorting Ceremony
So who am I? I'm 11,
and I have no idea.
It's your job to tell me anyway.
My face feels like on fire.
I'm not particularly rash,
nor daring - would I've survived
so far, if such was my nature,
living among the trash?
I guess you cannot call me kind -
not anymore, at least -
and loyalty I've never known
either from man or beast.
Yes, I do adore to learn,
and find everything out,
but what I might need the knowledge for,
you say, sparks up your doubt.
That leaves me only one place, then,
to - perhaps - belong.
Thus I will embrace the green,
and close this little song.
Here's to 2017
I wanna kick my habits no more;
they helped me go through so much before.
My resolution? Stay the course
in quest for home without remorse.
Next year will find me with bare bones,
asleep among the pinecones -
this is the hope that holds my smile
up like scaffolding 'midst the bile.
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
doodle by librarian-of-hell doodle :iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 2 4
Quentin Breaks Away
You may wonder why I'm writing all this down. Why bare my soul, when all you're going to see - if anyone even reads this - is sickness and depravity, according to your own preciously narrow worldview. Why bother? Who will be interested, indeed, except for a few "experts" and those afflicted with a morbid curiosity? Who cares about the rantings of a rotting mind? I wonder about this too, especially at night when I should be sleeping. I have no doubts that I will be viewed as deranged and evil by the complacent and the soulless, and the future will give me no great moral vindication after I finally had enough and ended my existence. I will be most likely condemned by humanity. And for what? For giving release to the suffering? For giving justice to the abused? For taking joy in life and death as a full human being, instead of just dragging through both like a slave?
Maybe I'm writing this as a warning. As a reminder to my kind - yes, you will suffer. Yes, you will be out of place. You
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 1 0
Mature content
Uprising :iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Mature content
Quentin Does A Favor :iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
Mature content
The Consent Principle :iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 0 0
It is small crimes like this,
in which you only victimize yourself,
that hold the seed of a different world.
By taking up a pen or by touchscreen stroke
you render yourself pariah -
but, although perpetually broke,
you'll live with your eyes open.
No one will jail you for this anymore,
but you may starve, or simply... disappear.
The names have changed, but at the core
tyranny lives in what you do not hear.
Once I sang the marching song
and believed every word.
The things I have done for love
would turn your blood to curd.
Not because I'm evil, as
it would be easy to think.
I thought I was saving you -
that I'd still do, in a blink.
Older now, and wiser too,
my life's no longer mine.
I signed it away for the crooks
on the dotted line.
I thought I was saving you -
and you spit in my face.
Why not link arms, brother, and take
revenge for this disgrace?
I stand convicted -
of what, remains unclear -
solely consoled by
that the end is
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:librarian-of-hell 1 2


Undi_019 by Nevynhh Undi_019 :iconnevynhh:Nevynhh 23 2 Annemie-The naughty corner. by robertandannmia
Mature content
Annemie-The naughty corner. :iconrobertandannmia:robertandannmia 10 6
Tattooed Anatomy by SymphonicArt Tattooed Anatomy :iconsymphonicart:SymphonicArt 35 9 Psycho by Lambidy Psycho :iconlambidy:Lambidy 27 2 Collab: The hunt is on by ShadowDagger Collab: The hunt is on :iconshadowdagger:ShadowDagger 14 5 Esti mese Once upon a time 50 by mesterallat Esti mese Once upon a time 50 :iconmesterallat:mesterallat 3 6 Esti mese Once upon a time 49 by mesterallat Esti mese Once upon a time 49 :iconmesterallat:mesterallat 3 0 Good Bye... Forever by Necrophil2005
Mature content
Good Bye... Forever :iconnecrophil2005:Necrophil2005 4 0
Four Year Supply by vanilla-vanilla Four Year Supply :iconvanilla-vanilla:vanilla-vanilla 3 0 Mothdance by Ryltha Mothdance :iconryltha:Ryltha 127 5 Majora's Wrath by Henskelion Majora's Wrath :iconhenskelion:Henskelion 629 106 insane font by wakabaru insane font :iconwakabaru:wakabaru 39 4 Diagram Of A Human Body by Sgt-Chaloopa Diagram Of A Human Body :iconsgt-chaloopa:Sgt-Chaloopa 9 2 68 Forest and Jungle concepts by STUDIOBLINKTWICE 68 Forest and Jungle concepts :iconstudioblinktwice:STUDIOBLINKTWICE 783 34 Deep Hug by Leonid Afremov by Leonidafremov Deep Hug by Leonid Afremov :iconleonidafremov:Leonidafremov 180 3 scaly girls: Safi by SweetPrank scaly girls: Safi :iconsweetprank:SweetPrank 386 75



the walkyrie in iceland by andrekosslick the walkyrie in iceland :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 61 34 Wodan and Frigga by andrekosslick Wodan and Frigga :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 79 39 Siegmunds Tod finished by andrekosslick Siegmunds Tod finished :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 73 30 the Rhine gold by andrekosslick the Rhine gold :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 45 20 Walhall by andrekosslick Walhall :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 48 8 Sigurds fight with Fafnir by andrekosslick Sigurds fight with Fafnir :iconandrekosslick:andrekosslick 51 33
Got the machine. But my stomach hurts and my past keeps haunting me. Fuck off, exes. Fuck off, world.
I want some peace'n'quiet for a change.
  • Listening to: Viktor's speech
  • Reading: threatening emails
  • Eating: stomach pills
  • Drinking: just a little jäger


Lilla Bertalan
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Not exactly a hobbyist, but therapeutic writing wasn't an option. Self-doubting white girl with a tendency to obsess over stuff, which I take out on... formerly paper, nowadays my DA page.
As long as you don't attempt to "cheer me up" or get all religious on me, we'll get along well. Tell me what's your poison and I... won't exactly tell who you are, but pour you a round and tell a good story, 'kay?

Current Residence: Győrzámoly
deviantWEAR sizing preference: L
Favourite music: see :P
Favourite style of art: pretty much anything BUT anime
Operating System: Ubuntu
Skin of choice: white, nicely scarred
Favourite cartoon character: Hawkgirl, Martian Manhunter, Wolverine, Simon's Cat
Personal Quote: "Meow."

Journal History


Add a Comment:
ChrisM-Erotic Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2016  Professional Photographer
High-five!   Thank you for Faving Hi! 
VoltageStudios Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for favoring
Voltage Hyper Force New Style by VoltageStudios , any comments on it?
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Not really, I was just saving it for a friend who is totally into superhero artworks. Maybe he'll comment :)
VoltageStudios Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok, that's fine.
SoloGeek Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fave! :boogie:
Panuyen Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav!! Hug
Monocephalized Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Appreciate the favourite.
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
As I appreciated the poem. Meow.
The-Darkwolf Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2016
Thank you for the new fave! :thanks:
:happybounce: Stopped by just briefly and noticed it's your birthday. I hope it's been a good day for you. :-) with fun things all around... Giggle
:cake: :beer:
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